Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

• "When you gonna pop?" I realized today how much I despise this.  I mean, I've always hated this, but seriously?  Pop? Balloons pop, not pregnant women.
• "Is your water going to break?"  Well, let's see, if I knew, I'd tell you.  And, if I knew, I probably would be at home, relaxing, or walking...all wearing a pad. 
• "Are you ready?" Um, no. 41 weeks of pregnancy is blissful.  I love the amazing sleep I'm getting.  I love my heartburn.  I love it take all the effort I have just to freakin' roll over in bed.  I love that I have to pee every 45 seconds.  I love that I'm eating the weirdest things....Chinese food for breakfast today.  I love that I'm too tired to work, and I'm bored out of my mind.  I love it, really, I do.  No really, the only thing I do absolutely love is the idea there is a beautiful little baby growing inside my uterus.  I love feeling his kicks and knowing I am nourishing him.

Well, those are the big ones for now.  I am irritable.  I am grumpy.  I may be slightly sarcastic if you ask me any of the following.  No, I have no idea when the baby's coming.  I am not sick.  I feel good (okay, except  for the rolling over at night & my grumpiness).  My body knows what to do.  My baby knows what to do.  

41 weeks

Well, I never thought I'd make it to 41 weeks.  Never.  Ever.  It's annoying that I'm still pregnant, but I know I should enjoy each and every second of this miracle.  It'll more than likely be the last time I'm ever pregnant, so I need to cherish it.

I woke up really crampy today, having some contractions.  I thought it might be a good thing.  I spoke it, then it disappeared.  Guess I won't be live-tweeting-my-birth!  It seems like every time I say something about what might be happening, my uterus gets all shy on me.  I did have an NST today, which was beautiful if I must say so myself.

I have another appointment on Monday with my midwife.  I do "officially" have an induction scheduled for next Friday, when I'm 42 weeks.  Part of me thinks I'll be doing the induction, part of me doesn't.  At this point, I really have no idea.  I'm thinking of having my midwife check me & maybe strip my membranes on Monday.  Just want to give things a kick start....I don't know though.

It is quite satisfying to tell people my due date WAS last Friday and I don't know what I'm dilated to.  I love it.  I love that my midwife trusts me and my body so much.  She's not getting worked up about anything.  She wanted to know how long I was comfortable being pregnant.  It's really quite empowering.  Everyone should have the opportunity to receive care like I've received this pregnancy.  It's amazing.  And, I had a really really awesome OB when I was pregnant with my daughter.  There's just something different about the way a midwife takes care of you...but that's a whole other post!

40 weeks, 3 days

I never thought I'd be pregnant this long.  I don't know why I thought I'd have a baby before now, I just did.  But, I also have had a fear of NOT GOING INTO LABOR.  So many people (okay, the ones who don't know about VBAC safety) have asked if I'm scared of labor.  No.  My answer is always no.  I know the statistics, I know VBAC is safe.  I know (in real life and form twitter-land and facebook) so many people who have had successful VBACs.  I know it's a safer option for me.

So, I am afraid I won't go into labor.  I've had contractions off and on (nothing painful, some uncomfortable though) for a few weeks now.  It's annoying.  I'll start having contractions, start timing them, then they quit.  I've tried NOT timing them & the damn things still quit.  I've had no bloody show, no mucous plug, no diarrhea, and no nesting.  Nothing.  Just these annoying little contractions.  And I've experienced both a full moon AND a huge drop in the barometric pressure (both are believed to cause some to go in to labor...as a former L&D nurse and current high-risk OB nurse, I hate working on full moons and when it's raining).

We've tried everything....evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, natural prostaglandins & natural oxytocin, pineapple, chicken parmesan (I realize most people say eggplant, but I find eggplant parmesan to be so greasy and we have good, free-range, organic, fresh chicken available).  I've gotten a 40-weeks and counting massage that focuses on pressure points to help with contractions and uses aromatherapy (specifically clary sage, lavender, and rose) that is supposed to help with labor.  I've done a self-hypnosis podcast (which only resulted in my falling asleep, but it was a good sleep).  I've done essentially private yoga classes (no one else showed up!!) that were focused around encouraging labor (a ton of squatting).

I'm officially giving up.  Throwing in the towel.  I meet with my midwife on Wednesday.  I think I'm going to have her check my cervix (I will be 40 weeks & 5 days).  And, I think I will schedule an induction for 41 weeks, 6 days.  I'm quite sad I'm going to schedule an induction, but mentally I think it may help me "give up."

I know my chances of a successful VBAC decrease with induction.  And they decrease after 40 weeks.  So, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, right?  I'm already past the 40 week mark.  I want a healthy baby AND a healthy birth.  And trust me, I want, more than anything, for this baby to be born from my vagina, not from an incision in my belly.  For some reason, I'm not anxious about passing the 40 week mark and having a VBAC, I'm just not.

I still have some trust in my body.  While my c-section took a lot of that trust away, breastfeeding and nourishing my daughter for nearly 3 1/2 years brought so much of that trust back.  My body does work, the way it's supposed to.  For now, I'm trusting, yet not really getting too excited about anything.

39 weeks....blah! blah! blah!

I've been thinking this baby was coming for about the past week.  It's getting old, old, old!  I'm contracting, but nothing regular.  Last night, I did start contracting fairly regularly, so I called into work.  Then the contractions quit.  This is truly testing my patience.  Maybe if I wasn't VBACing I wouldn't be so worried/anxious/nervous/excited about this all.  Actually, I'm NOT worried or anxious or nervous about labor starting, I'm more worried, anxious, and nervous about it NOT starting.  I know my chances of having a successful VBAC are significantly increased if labor starts on its own.  Now, don't ask me for the statistics, I just know I've read it in a million places.

And, it's hard to realize that IF I would've wanted a repeat c-section, today would be the day.  Since most people do repeat c-sections at 39 weeks, today would be Baby C's birthday.  But, that's okay, because who wants to be born ELECTIVELY on tax day?  Surely not my child!  Now, if he chooses, that's fine...besides since I've been married we've never actually filed our taxes on tax day (love those extensions, but that's a whole other story).  It's just hard to know that.

Then, there's all the people posting on facebook about being induced around 39 weeks or right at 40 weeks.  I am choosing not to be induced early (before 41 weeks) unless there is a problem.  I am choosing to trust my body and be patient with it.  I can do this.  (I think I can do this!)

I'm also choosing to not be checked for dilation & effacement.  With A, I was checked early and weekly.  I was 4 centimeters starting the induction...and we all know how that ended.  As a nurse, I've done plenty of inductions starting at closed/thick/high (closed & thick cervix, high baby) that ended in a vaginal birth the next day.  Pre-labor cervical dilation tells you NOTHING about the outcome.  I don't want to be disappointed in my cervix and I definitely don't want to get my hopes up about anything.  I want contractions, regular contractions, to be a clue to my labor progress.

Yes, I am doing things a bit differently this time and I like it.  It's against the "grain" so to speak.  It's different than what a lot of my friends do, but I'm comfortable with it.  I feel supported in my decisions.

I still am a little freaked out that this baby could very well come out of my vagina.  While I know that's funny to think about, since it's the NORMAL way to be born, I'm so anxious to experience it.  I'm so excited to VBAC, even to labor.  I am so excited to do the work that millions of women before me have done.  I'm excited to do the work that is actually threatened in our society today because of the alarming number of c-sections.  And more importantly, I can't wait to hold my little guy.  I can't wait to see his big sister meet him for the first time.  I can't wait to become a family of four!