Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I fell off the wagon

Yep, I did post in NOVEMBER about getting healthy & having all these fabulous goals, right? I'm pretty sure I did. :) But, hopefully you forgot, just like I did.

I got stressed. I got sidetracked. I had a sick kid for most of the month (4 teeth, 2 ear infections, and probably roseola...I know, it should be a song).  I didn't do really ANY of the things I had wanted to do.

But, it's a new year (well, it's the 18th day of a new year). And I am attempting to do something about it. The problem is...I freaking love food. I eat when I'm sad/happy/hurt/angry/excited/bored....oh, and sometimes I actually eat when I'm hungry.

I did join Weight Watchers (very reluctantly) on December 26 (why wait until the new year?). I'm taking it slow. I saw a huge decrease in my milk supply after the first week (I lost 4 pounds, by the way). Then, I tried to start eating all my points plus the extra weekly points. I only lost a pound the 2nd week, still working on getting my milk supply up. I just finished my 3rd week & I did nothing. And I ate horribly. I didn't track my points & I can tell.

I have done Weight Watchers before, with great success (and again with not so much success). I resisted for YEARS to do WW (most recently) because they really had been pushing a lot of processed foods. That is EXACTLY what I want to avoid. I want to eat real food. Now (and I am by no means, a paid spokesperson for WW) really push fruits & veggies (they're all "free"). Calories are no longer a part of the point equation (yay!!). Now, points are based on actual nutrition....carbs, fat, fiber, and protein. It's easy & I feel full.

So, just to check in, I'm still here. Still fighting my weight, but trying to learn to love myself. My daughter recently, very nonchalantly, told my my belly still looked like it did when Cooper was in there. But, to here, that was just no big deal. It was as if I should be proud my body carried her and her brother. She just acted like it was normal. While I want to lose weight (I want to be able to move around & play with my kids more, I want to be a healthy example for them), I am proud of my body...and here's why:

I carried two babies to full-term.

I fought with every fiber in my body to push the first one out. Many would have given up far sooner than I did (and I didn't really "give up").

I found fibers I didn't know existed, and fought even harder to push out the 2nd one. Epidural-free. One dose (and a half) of pain medicine only. After 24 hours of early labor & an extremely fast, furious, angry 2-hour labor AND transition (actually, I think once I was in labor, I was in transition), then FIVE hours of never-giving-in pushing. I pushed a baby out....while looking at my scar.

I nourished (and still am nourishing) two babies.....going on a total of 49 months (gulp)...that's a lot of milk.

My chest/shoulders/arms have provided a resting spot for both of my children for many a nights.

My daughter loves to snuggle in my back (I just don't think it'd be the same if I was skin & bones).

See, I do love some things about my body. But, I am saddened when my daughter chooses unhealthy foods. She hates most veggies. I do not want her to struggle with her body image and yet I want her to accept herself and be healthy. So, I'm going to at least try to be healthy for my kids.

And, let's be honest, I would really like to feel comfortable at the pool this summer. :)