Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

• "When you gonna pop?" I realized today how much I despise this.  I mean, I've always hated this, but seriously?  Pop? Balloons pop, not pregnant women.
• "Is your water going to break?"  Well, let's see, if I knew, I'd tell you.  And, if I knew, I probably would be at home, relaxing, or walking...all wearing a pad. 
• "Are you ready?" Um, no. 41 weeks of pregnancy is blissful.  I love the amazing sleep I'm getting.  I love my heartburn.  I love it take all the effort I have just to freakin' roll over in bed.  I love that I have to pee every 45 seconds.  I love that I'm eating the weirdest things....Chinese food for breakfast today.  I love that I'm too tired to work, and I'm bored out of my mind.  I love it, really, I do.  No really, the only thing I do absolutely love is the idea there is a beautiful little baby growing inside my uterus.  I love feeling his kicks and knowing I am nourishing him.

Well, those are the big ones for now.  I am irritable.  I am grumpy.  I may be slightly sarcastic if you ask me any of the following.  No, I have no idea when the baby's coming.  I am not sick.  I feel good (okay, except  for the rolling over at night & my grumpiness).  My body knows what to do.  My baby knows what to do.  

41 weeks

Well, I never thought I'd make it to 41 weeks.  Never.  Ever.  It's annoying that I'm still pregnant, but I know I should enjoy each and every second of this miracle.  It'll more than likely be the last time I'm ever pregnant, so I need to cherish it.

I woke up really crampy today, having some contractions.  I thought it might be a good thing.  I spoke it, then it disappeared.  Guess I won't be live-tweeting-my-birth!  It seems like every time I say something about what might be happening, my uterus gets all shy on me.  I did have an NST today, which was beautiful if I must say so myself.

I have another appointment on Monday with my midwife.  I do "officially" have an induction scheduled for next Friday, when I'm 42 weeks.  Part of me thinks I'll be doing the induction, part of me doesn't.  At this point, I really have no idea.  I'm thinking of having my midwife check me & maybe strip my membranes on Monday.  Just want to give things a kick start....I don't know though.

It is quite satisfying to tell people my due date WAS last Friday and I don't know what I'm dilated to.  I love it.  I love that my midwife trusts me and my body so much.  She's not getting worked up about anything.  She wanted to know how long I was comfortable being pregnant.  It's really quite empowering.  Everyone should have the opportunity to receive care like I've received this pregnancy.  It's amazing.  And, I had a really really awesome OB when I was pregnant with my daughter.  There's just something different about the way a midwife takes care of you...but that's a whole other post!

40 weeks, 3 days

I never thought I'd be pregnant this long.  I don't know why I thought I'd have a baby before now, I just did.  But, I also have had a fear of NOT GOING INTO LABOR.  So many people (okay, the ones who don't know about VBAC safety) have asked if I'm scared of labor.  No.  My answer is always no.  I know the statistics, I know VBAC is safe.  I know (in real life and form twitter-land and facebook) so many people who have had successful VBACs.  I know it's a safer option for me.

So, I am afraid I won't go into labor.  I've had contractions off and on (nothing painful, some uncomfortable though) for a few weeks now.  It's annoying.  I'll start having contractions, start timing them, then they quit.  I've tried NOT timing them & the damn things still quit.  I've had no bloody show, no mucous plug, no diarrhea, and no nesting.  Nothing.  Just these annoying little contractions.  And I've experienced both a full moon AND a huge drop in the barometric pressure (both are believed to cause some to go in to labor...as a former L&D nurse and current high-risk OB nurse, I hate working on full moons and when it's raining).

We've tried everything....evening primrose oil, red raspberry leaf tea, natural prostaglandins & natural oxytocin, pineapple, chicken parmesan (I realize most people say eggplant, but I find eggplant parmesan to be so greasy and we have good, free-range, organic, fresh chicken available).  I've gotten a 40-weeks and counting massage that focuses on pressure points to help with contractions and uses aromatherapy (specifically clary sage, lavender, and rose) that is supposed to help with labor.  I've done a self-hypnosis podcast (which only resulted in my falling asleep, but it was a good sleep).  I've done essentially private yoga classes (no one else showed up!!) that were focused around encouraging labor (a ton of squatting).

I'm officially giving up.  Throwing in the towel.  I meet with my midwife on Wednesday.  I think I'm going to have her check my cervix (I will be 40 weeks & 5 days).  And, I think I will schedule an induction for 41 weeks, 6 days.  I'm quite sad I'm going to schedule an induction, but mentally I think it may help me "give up."

I know my chances of a successful VBAC decrease with induction.  And they decrease after 40 weeks.  So, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, right?  I'm already past the 40 week mark.  I want a healthy baby AND a healthy birth.  And trust me, I want, more than anything, for this baby to be born from my vagina, not from an incision in my belly.  For some reason, I'm not anxious about passing the 40 week mark and having a VBAC, I'm just not.

I still have some trust in my body.  While my c-section took a lot of that trust away, breastfeeding and nourishing my daughter for nearly 3 1/2 years brought so much of that trust back.  My body does work, the way it's supposed to.  For now, I'm trusting, yet not really getting too excited about anything.

39 weeks....blah! blah! blah!

I've been thinking this baby was coming for about the past week.  It's getting old, old, old!  I'm contracting, but nothing regular.  Last night, I did start contracting fairly regularly, so I called into work.  Then the contractions quit.  This is truly testing my patience.  Maybe if I wasn't VBACing I wouldn't be so worried/anxious/nervous/excited about this all.  Actually, I'm NOT worried or anxious or nervous about labor starting, I'm more worried, anxious, and nervous about it NOT starting.  I know my chances of having a successful VBAC are significantly increased if labor starts on its own.  Now, don't ask me for the statistics, I just know I've read it in a million places.

And, it's hard to realize that IF I would've wanted a repeat c-section, today would be the day.  Since most people do repeat c-sections at 39 weeks, today would be Baby C's birthday.  But, that's okay, because who wants to be born ELECTIVELY on tax day?  Surely not my child!  Now, if he chooses, that's fine...besides since I've been married we've never actually filed our taxes on tax day (love those extensions, but that's a whole other story).  It's just hard to know that.

Then, there's all the people posting on facebook about being induced around 39 weeks or right at 40 weeks.  I am choosing not to be induced early (before 41 weeks) unless there is a problem.  I am choosing to trust my body and be patient with it.  I can do this.  (I think I can do this!)

I'm also choosing to not be checked for dilation & effacement.  With A, I was checked early and weekly.  I was 4 centimeters starting the induction...and we all know how that ended.  As a nurse, I've done plenty of inductions starting at closed/thick/high (closed & thick cervix, high baby) that ended in a vaginal birth the next day.  Pre-labor cervical dilation tells you NOTHING about the outcome.  I don't want to be disappointed in my cervix and I definitely don't want to get my hopes up about anything.  I want contractions, regular contractions, to be a clue to my labor progress.

Yes, I am doing things a bit differently this time and I like it.  It's against the "grain" so to speak.  It's different than what a lot of my friends do, but I'm comfortable with it.  I feel supported in my decisions.

I still am a little freaked out that this baby could very well come out of my vagina.  While I know that's funny to think about, since it's the NORMAL way to be born, I'm so anxious to experience it.  I'm so excited to VBAC, even to labor.  I am so excited to do the work that millions of women before me have done.  I'm excited to do the work that is actually threatened in our society today because of the alarming number of c-sections.  And more importantly, I can't wait to hold my little guy.  I can't wait to see his big sister meet him for the first time.  I can't wait to become a family of four!

35 weeks and counting

Sometimes I wonder how on earth I got to be 35 weeks pregnant! This pregnancy has totally flown by.  Well, minus the first 13 weeks when I was incredibly nauseous.  I guess I've just been super busy this pregnancy.  And, it's really amazing how having a child can distract you.  Not that I don't care about this pregnancy and this baby, it's just that my current child requires a lot of my attention.  That and, oh, yeah, school.  I'm working way less this pregnancy than the last pregnancy, but that makes me a very very happy momma.  My stress level is way less this pregnancy, despite having some stressful situations.  This pregnancy has just been different.

I'm more active this pregnancy & I can tell a big difference.  Not only have I been doing yoga since 16 weeks this pregnancy (started at about 32 weeks with first pregnancy).  While I haven't walked in a long time, I have walked more this pregnancy than I walked the entire first pregnancy.  In general, I'm just more active.

I have enjoyed this pregnancy more.  It's sad to say, but I don't really want this pregnancy to end.  I know I probably won't ever be pregnant again.  I'm savoring every moment (except those first 13 weeks).  I'm enjoying every kick.  Sleepless nights don't bother me so much.  I love the crazy kicks this baby gives me.  While I can't wait to meet him, I'm loving being a pregnant momma.

So, yeah, this pregnancy has FLOWN by!  I'm really working on pregnancy affirmations right now.  I know it may sound corny, but I have to do this.  I think labor is going to be as much a mental battle as a physical journey.  I am planning a VBAC and I have to wrap my mind around the fact my body can and will do this (when it's ready).  I think about the absolutely perfect timing of this pregnancy.  Absolutely perfect.  And, I know that he will come when the timing is absolutely perfect.  When my body feels safe and secure.  I will be surrounded by those people who support me.  I know that people who aren't there will be supporting me in their own way.

I'm still working through a bunch of emotional stuff right now.  Hopefully, my mind will be settled and peaceful when this baby arrives.  I need comfort.  Until then, I will wait patiently for my perfectly timed baby.

I'm a LITTLE Pissed....how fat bias has affected me!

Yea, I'm a "big" girl.  I always have been.  I remember being taller (and probably bigger) than EVERYONE in kindergarten.  That is my first memory of my size.  My mom tells me my pediatrician told her to put me on a diet when I was two.  I would've fired him then and there...but I was only two.  When I was 12, in 6th grade, I remember being weighed.  I remember, exactly, weighing in at 135 lbs.  I don't remember my height, but I couldn't have been a whole lot shorter than I am now (5'6").  But, I remember being considered "overweight."  Two memories, years apart, and my issues with fat start.

The ONLY thin people in my family are the athletes.  There are quite a few athletic people in my family.  But, God decided not to even out the talent, and just gave a few of them a lot of ability!  My brother and a few cousins played sports at the college level.  Not me, and not really most of us.  The rest of us, well, we're pleasantly plump.

But (and isn't there always a but?), I AM healthy.  I've always had a healthy blood pressure (except those last few weeks of my first pregnancy).  I've never had high cholesterol.  Nothing at all.  So, my health insurance at work was offering a health screening.  You get weighed.  You get your blood pressure taken.  You get some labs drawn (a lipid profile, nicotine, cotine, & blood sugar).  No big deal...right?  Well, I got the results back today.  And, as expected ALL of my lab results were considered normal.

But wait....aren't ALL fat people unhealthy?  Shouldn't my blood pressure be high?  Shouldn't my LDL be through the roof?  And surely my fasting blood sugar should indicate I have diabetes, right?  Well, they don't.  Of course they don't.  I am healthy.  But, I'm fat.

So, I have to have a physician (yep, it specifically says physician) referral before I get any of the (monetary) benefits of having this health screening.  Why?  I'm fat.  I'm also 31 weeks pregnant & WILL not participate in ANY weight loss program until my child is on the outside!  Also, I refuse to take part of any aggressive weight loss while I am breast feeding.  (Which is likely to be a long time!)

My other issue is with the fact it's a "Physician Referral Notice."  It even says "M.D." signature.  As a nurse practitioner student and a patient of a Certified Nurse Midwife, I should be able to have any qualified health professional look at this & set REASONABLE goals with me.  I should be able to see an NP, a CNM, a PA, or even a DO, if I want.

And, this isn't the first time I've been affected by fat bias.  I was declined for health insurance (which we ultimately declined them, so I'm not even sure if that counts) because of my weight.  That was the first time I really felt fat bias.  I was hurt.  I was devastated.  It meant I had to work part-time while attending school full-time, just to have health insurance.  I've done it.  And I've utilized less health care than anyone in my family during the past year.

Why is all this bias coming from insurance companies?  Well, I just think they don't care about people.  They care about the all-mighty dollar.  Everything is black and white to insurance companies.  Wow, her BMI is high.  I bet she's gonna have a stroke any day.  If she doesn't have a stroke, surely she'll have diabetes.  And, I bet she doesn't eat healthy.  And definitely doesn't exercise.  Nope, not the fat ones.  They eat junk food & watch TV all day, every day.

While I was griping about this to my husband, he laughs, and brings up a friend of ours who by any insurance standards would be considered "obese."  He's a police officer in a very large metropolitan city.  He's also a body builder.  He is probably 5'10" and weighs probably 220 pounds.  I calculated a BMI based on those measurements.  It's 31.6.  So, maybe he could get health insurance....if he cut is leg off.  In all reality, this nameless police officer probably has a waist circumference of 30" (my guess) and probably has less than 5% body fat.  Now, I'm not saying he is HEALTHY, because I think that's just gross.  And he is doing weird things to his body (we are NOT supposed to look like that!).  But, he is NOT fat.  Not in any way shape or form.  But, if you look at his BMI, he's obese.  Really? Come on!

So, my thoughts.....THE BMI SUCKS!!!!

It's a horrible indicator of health.  It tells you nothing, except how a ratio of height to weight.  It does not take into account muscle mass, body type, or health.  Nothing.  I hate it.  I know skinny people who are more unhealthy than I am.

When I'm in practice, I refuse to use the BMI as a health indicator.  There's my promise to all of you.  Come see me (in about a year and half) and I will not calculate your BMI.  I may not even weigh you.

What?!?!

What?!? Okay, I'm not exactly the most consistent blogger, but really, TWO MONTHS? Well, I guess life has been happening to me...so I haven't done anything...well, blog wise.  So, here's what's been up....

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant (and I need to be about 24)....we're not ready.  There's just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished before baby arrives.  And no, I'm not necessarily concerned with stocking his closet or anything like that.  Now, I would like to have a name.  A name would be good, right?  Also (and this IS crazy), I'd like to have his room ready.  I'm really not sure why on this one.  Our daughter doesn't sleep in her room at the age of 3.  But, we have bedding picked out & just need to get it!  I don't care if his room is painted or not.  I would love for my husband to get the bassinet/co-sleeper ready before the baby arrives.  So, once the crib (like I said, the one he's NOT going to use) is ready & we have a few diapers, I'm good.

Now about school....I've been crazy busy with school this term.  In the past terms, school was primarily a Monday through Friday deal for me.  I quit studying late afternoon.  Rarely did I do school-work in the evenings or on the weekends.  This term...all 8 hours of it...is taking me under!  Of course, I am in the middle of the 2 busiest weeks of the term.  Once March gets here, it's all down hill.  My classes are good & I think I'm learning! :) I still feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to KNOW this stuff! And to be able to use it.

Work....work is work.  We've been rather busy for most of the year.  But, we haven't had anything horrible or been so overwhelmed there.  Just busy.  I've had really awesome patients lately, and that makes me one happy girl.

So, that's about it for me.  Maybe it won't be 2 months until I blog again.  But, if it is, I'll probably be the mom of 2! (Aaagggghhhhh!!!!!!)