My fat story -- the numbers part of it

My first memory of being overweight was when I was 12 years old. I remember being bigger than all the kids in elementary school, but I was also much taller than them. In 6th grade we were weighed. I weighed 135 pounds (oh my, how I would LOVE to weigh that now!). I was heavier than all the other girls.

It occured to me I might be overweight then.

I went through junior high & high school struggling with my weight. My mom tried various diets. We ate a lot of grilled chicken. In all reality, I don't really think I was that heavy then. I don't even think I was that heavy when I graduated high school weighing 165 pounds. I was 5 feet 6 inches then. Sure, my BMI was slightly "overweight." I was a size 12. I would LOVE to look like that.

Then, I went to college. I continued to gain 30 pounds my freshman year. This weight gain was fueled by eating out a lot. When I did eat in the cafeteria (and not Taco Bell), I had an all you can eat pass.

The next year, if I remember correctly, I did lose some weight. I moved in to my sorority house, food was limited.

By my 4th year of college (it was my 1st year of nursing school, so technically I got to be a junior for 2 years), I moved in with my parents. I was going to nursing school, so I was trying to save money and time. I needed to study a lot. My mom cooked healthy. We ate grilled chicken so much! I switched to the "healthier" (ha ha!) diet pop. I lost some weight that year.

The next year, I moved in with a friend. I don't really remember what my weight was like then, but I think it was steady. Somewhere in the next few years, I was back up to my freshman weight (195).

After I graduated and started working as a nurse, I worked out A LOT! I was working out (cardio & lifting weights) 4 times/week for one hour each time. I joined Weight Watchers. I got engaged! Just before my wedding (at the age of 26), I was down to my lowest weight ever. One hundred fifty pounds. I was at the highest weight Weight Watchers would allow me to be at. It was hard. I was there for ONE day (that tells you how likely I am to be there again!). I was within my 2 pounds for the 6-week weigh-in to become a lifetime member.

Slowly, after getting married, my weight crept back on. I got a job as a night-shift supervisor in a fast-paced labor and delivery. I gained some more weight. I weighed 185 pounds around this time.  I was 28 years old.

At 28, after being a supervisor for almost one year, I got a manager position. I went from working 3 nights/week to working 5 days/week. I worked 50 hour weeks. I ate. And I sat at a desk. I gained an astonishing 50 pounds in SIX MONTHS! I now weighed 235 pounds. Six months after getting the manager position, I was pregnant! We had been trying, but I was pregnant at 235 pounds. I gained 60 pounds during this pregnancy. I was unhealthy. My doctor talked to me about my diet, but I thought she was harrassing me about my weight. I was offended, so I didn't listen. I drank diet pop and ate what felt good. I had pre-eclampsia and ended up with a c-section.

After this pregnancy, I got down to 245. Then, three and half years later I got pregnant. At 245 pounds. I gained 50 pounds...most of it in the last month (I think I stopped caring...I was tired of being pregnant!). Now, here I am. I'm not going to say how much I weigh now. I have lost a lot of my pregnancy weight. I am over 200 pounds.

I believe the "dieting" in my late teens/early twenties scared my body. Now, I will struggle. I really ate what I wanted and gained very little then. I do not ever want my daughter to diet. I refuse to teach her about Weight Watchers. She will not count her points (but that's a whole other post!).

So, here's my fat story...at least the numbers part of it.

I'm a LITTLE Pissed....how fat bias has affected me!

Yea, I'm a "big" girl.  I always have been.  I remember being taller (and probably bigger) than EVERYONE in kindergarten.  That is my first memory of my size.  My mom tells me my pediatrician told her to put me on a diet when I was two.  I would've fired him then and there...but I was only two.  When I was 12, in 6th grade, I remember being weighed.  I remember, exactly, weighing in at 135 lbs.  I don't remember my height, but I couldn't have been a whole lot shorter than I am now (5'6").  But, I remember being considered "overweight."  Two memories, years apart, and my issues with fat start.

The ONLY thin people in my family are the athletes.  There are quite a few athletic people in my family.  But, God decided not to even out the talent, and just gave a few of them a lot of ability!  My brother and a few cousins played sports at the college level.  Not me, and not really most of us.  The rest of us, well, we're pleasantly plump.

But (and isn't there always a but?), I AM healthy.  I've always had a healthy blood pressure (except those last few weeks of my first pregnancy).  I've never had high cholesterol.  Nothing at all.  So, my health insurance at work was offering a health screening.  You get weighed.  You get your blood pressure taken.  You get some labs drawn (a lipid profile, nicotine, cotine, & blood sugar).  No big deal...right?  Well, I got the results back today.  And, as expected ALL of my lab results were considered normal.

But wait....aren't ALL fat people unhealthy?  Shouldn't my blood pressure be high?  Shouldn't my LDL be through the roof?  And surely my fasting blood sugar should indicate I have diabetes, right?  Well, they don't.  Of course they don't.  I am healthy.  But, I'm fat.

So, I have to have a physician (yep, it specifically says physician) referral before I get any of the (monetary) benefits of having this health screening.  Why?  I'm fat.  I'm also 31 weeks pregnant & WILL not participate in ANY weight loss program until my child is on the outside!  Also, I refuse to take part of any aggressive weight loss while I am breast feeding.  (Which is likely to be a long time!)

My other issue is with the fact it's a "Physician Referral Notice."  It even says "M.D." signature.  As a nurse practitioner student and a patient of a Certified Nurse Midwife, I should be able to have any qualified health professional look at this & set REASONABLE goals with me.  I should be able to see an NP, a CNM, a PA, or even a DO, if I want.

And, this isn't the first time I've been affected by fat bias.  I was declined for health insurance (which we ultimately declined them, so I'm not even sure if that counts) because of my weight.  That was the first time I really felt fat bias.  I was hurt.  I was devastated.  It meant I had to work part-time while attending school full-time, just to have health insurance.  I've done it.  And I've utilized less health care than anyone in my family during the past year.

Why is all this bias coming from insurance companies?  Well, I just think they don't care about people.  They care about the all-mighty dollar.  Everything is black and white to insurance companies.  Wow, her BMI is high.  I bet she's gonna have a stroke any day.  If she doesn't have a stroke, surely she'll have diabetes.  And, I bet she doesn't eat healthy.  And definitely doesn't exercise.  Nope, not the fat ones.  They eat junk food & watch TV all day, every day.

While I was griping about this to my husband, he laughs, and brings up a friend of ours who by any insurance standards would be considered "obese."  He's a police officer in a very large metropolitan city.  He's also a body builder.  He is probably 5'10" and weighs probably 220 pounds.  I calculated a BMI based on those measurements.  It's 31.6.  So, maybe he could get health insurance....if he cut is leg off.  In all reality, this nameless police officer probably has a waist circumference of 30" (my guess) and probably has less than 5% body fat.  Now, I'm not saying he is HEALTHY, because I think that's just gross.  And he is doing weird things to his body (we are NOT supposed to look like that!).  But, he is NOT fat.  Not in any way shape or form.  But, if you look at his BMI, he's obese.  Really? Come on!

So, my thoughts.....THE BMI SUCKS!!!!

It's a horrible indicator of health.  It tells you nothing, except how a ratio of height to weight.  It does not take into account muscle mass, body type, or health.  Nothing.  I hate it.  I know skinny people who are more unhealthy than I am.

When I'm in practice, I refuse to use the BMI as a health indicator.  There's my promise to all of you.  Come see me (in about a year and half) and I will not calculate your BMI.  I may not even weigh you.