35 weeks and counting

Sometimes I wonder how on earth I got to be 35 weeks pregnant! This pregnancy has totally flown by.  Well, minus the first 13 weeks when I was incredibly nauseous.  I guess I've just been super busy this pregnancy.  And, it's really amazing how having a child can distract you.  Not that I don't care about this pregnancy and this baby, it's just that my current child requires a lot of my attention.  That and, oh, yeah, school.  I'm working way less this pregnancy than the last pregnancy, but that makes me a very very happy momma.  My stress level is way less this pregnancy, despite having some stressful situations.  This pregnancy has just been different.

I'm more active this pregnancy & I can tell a big difference.  Not only have I been doing yoga since 16 weeks this pregnancy (started at about 32 weeks with first pregnancy).  While I haven't walked in a long time, I have walked more this pregnancy than I walked the entire first pregnancy.  In general, I'm just more active.

I have enjoyed this pregnancy more.  It's sad to say, but I don't really want this pregnancy to end.  I know I probably won't ever be pregnant again.  I'm savoring every moment (except those first 13 weeks).  I'm enjoying every kick.  Sleepless nights don't bother me so much.  I love the crazy kicks this baby gives me.  While I can't wait to meet him, I'm loving being a pregnant momma.

So, yeah, this pregnancy has FLOWN by!  I'm really working on pregnancy affirmations right now.  I know it may sound corny, but I have to do this.  I think labor is going to be as much a mental battle as a physical journey.  I am planning a VBAC and I have to wrap my mind around the fact my body can and will do this (when it's ready).  I think about the absolutely perfect timing of this pregnancy.  Absolutely perfect.  And, I know that he will come when the timing is absolutely perfect.  When my body feels safe and secure.  I will be surrounded by those people who support me.  I know that people who aren't there will be supporting me in their own way.

I'm still working through a bunch of emotional stuff right now.  Hopefully, my mind will be settled and peaceful when this baby arrives.  I need comfort.  Until then, I will wait patiently for my perfectly timed baby.

My Baby Boy & My Big Girl

It's a boy! Of course, I knew it was a boy from the second I had a positive pregnancy test, but boy parts were confirmed by a professional on Thursday.  I felt different from the beginning (much like my sister-in-law's boy pregnancy).  Most people thought it was a boy.  We were all right!

I must admit, I am a little nervous about having a boy.  The dirt doesn't scare me.  Motorcycles, skate boards, and BMX bikes don't even scare me.  It's the damn frogs I'm terrified of.  I pray my son will not be a frog boy.  I really have a debilitating fear of frogs.  I've never touched one and I'm not even sure I could do it for my son.  Really.  Bring on the bikes, dirt, and really just about anything else.  If my son is anything like my husband, he will have at least a thousand injuries due to his stunts, but that's okay.  I'm prepared for trips to the ER.  I'm prepared to build a half-pipe in my back yard.  I am prepared...even a little excited.  But, please please please, no frogs.

I'm also torn as to the whole circumcision thing.  I know many people are stuanchly for or against this.  I've always had the thought my son should look like his dad.  But, now, more than anything, I'm just not 100% sure I want a piece of his body removed when he's not even one day old.  Regardless of what anyone says, it just does not feel normal, even though it is a completely "normal" procedure.  I've seen circumcisions done & it is scary.  We'll see, we have 20 weeks to decide!

Now, my big girl.  My big girl who is throwing tantrums.  My big girl who no longer has fat cheeks.  My big girl who is going to be the best big sister ever.  It's so sad, yet so exciting to see her grow into a child.  I have conversations with her.  She can brush her teeth and wash her face all by herself.  She showers alone (well, with me or daddy nearby).  She can almost get dressed alone...and undressed.  She's such a grown up little girl.

What am I going to do?  Enjoy every single second of it!

17 weeks, 4 days

In just a few weeks, I'll be almost halfway through this pregnancy.  Frankly, that freaks me out.  I don't know if I'm ready.  Okay, I know I'm not ready.

My midwife is retiring in 6 weeks! SIX WEEKS! I have over 20 weeks left.

I need a new midwife. I've had the unfair advantage of knowing all of my providers before they were my providers (nurse perks), but now there are THREE new midwives at our hospital.  Three? I don't have the time to interview three. So, after my next appointment, I'm just going to see one of the midwives and hope she's the one.  Don't worry, I have questions to ask.  But, I'm really hoping she's the one & I don't have to have fragmented care for the rest of my pregnancy.  My current midwife says the one I will see first is most like her.  Fingers are crossed!

And, I need a doula.  Oh do I need a doula.  This will be hard.  I know many of the doulas.  I definitely know my top choices (as in know them personally, know their kid's names, have known them for a more than a year).  I am worried.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  I don't want them to not want me as a client.  What if I'm difficult?  How do I even think about starting?  I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I'm giving my husband the decision.

Am I ready to VBAC?  I sure hope so.  But, doubt is creeping it's ugly head into my life.  I hate that demon.  Hate it.  I'm trying to get rid of that fear.  I'm just afraid of failure.  Afraid I won't VBAC.  Afraid I can't.  Fear.  Doubt.  GET OUT OF MY LIFE!  I just have to remind myself...every single freaking day...my body was designed to give birth.  I CAN DO THIS!  If for some reason, I have a c-section, it will not be because I didn't try.  Not that I didn't try the first time, there were just things I could have done differently.

Then, the 'if only's' start.  And, that's where I try try try not to give myself a guilt trip over the last pregnancy, but try to use it as motivation for this pregnancy.

If only I wasn't pre-eclamptic...so, much much less stress this pregnancy, better diet (of course this is an ongoing battle), more water, more exercise (I really think I've already exercised more this pregnancy than I did the entire 40 weeks of the first).

If only I didn't gain 60 pounds...okay, see above.  I'm working on it.

If only my baby wasn't asynclitic...exercise, exercise, exercise.  I'm doing lunges & squats out the whazoo, but could be doing more.

So, I face the 'if onlys' and try to get them out of my life.  This pregnancy is different.  This birth will be different.  I am a different person.

I Have a Big Girl

Well, my daughter is officially a big girl.  She hasn't had milk in over a week....I think.  I've heard so many weaning stories and most of them end with the mom not exactly remember the last time she nursed.  Mine's exactly the same.  We were down to once every couple of days, and now it's been about a week.  She still asks for it, but she's not begging for it.  Tonight, she just said that she wanted milk and I said there wasn't any, to which she laughed a little bit and rolled over.  The past couple of times she's asked that's how it's been.

Even though it wasn't 100% child-led weaning, I'm 100% comfortable with how it went (or how it's going, just in case it's not over!).  I think it happened very gently and with so much love.  It was very gradual.  However, she was really getting to where she only asked every few days, so even without my Encouragement, we were headed there.

I could have nursed forever...had I had milk and it didn't hurt.  It was easy.  It was lazy.  It was the miracle drug.  If she was sleepy, it woke her up.  If she was cranky, it made her happy.  If she was exhausted, it eased her into a peaceful slumber.  If she was having a tantrum, it instantly calmed her.  Nothing even comes close to the miracle-ness of breastmilk! Not that I'm bashing formula, but try finding a formula that does that!

In other news, the big girl now pretty much goes to sleep on her own!  We broke down and let her start watching movies to fall asleep.  We started Saturday.  I worked Saturday.  Greg put a movie in (in our room, we haven't decided to get a TV/DVD player for her room yet).  It took a while Saturday night, but she finally gave it up.  Sunday, she was in bed by 8pm, alseep by 8:45 (of course, I was at work & didn't get to enjoy this).  Last night, Monday, she went to bed about 8:30pm.  It took about 2 hours, but I didn't stay in the room with her.  Greg & I were trying to watch a movie, but I should've just stayed in there.  Tonight, I read her some books then started the movie.  We were both asleep in about 30 minutes.  Greg came in there about 9:15pm (we went in there about 8pm) and woke me up, but I'm pretty sure we were out around 8:30pm.  We're making progress!

And in baby news, I feel like I'm getting huge! I'm now 16 weeks....and 4 days to be exact!  I had some yucky upper respiratory infection that I FINALLY got rid of after about 2 weeks.  I start prenatal yoga tomorrow, so I'm very excited about that!

12 weeks, 6 days

Wow! Time sure has flown by during this pregnancy!  I'm feeling SOOOO much better.  I've started taking B6.  I still feel nauseous sometimes & I have a gag reflex that is super sensitive.  I've also started taking chewable prenatal vitamins (not Flinstones).  I've always thought it was weird to recommend pregnant women to take children's vitamins.

Crazy as it may sound, I'm pretty sure I've felt this little one move already.  It's nothing big, just the little flutters.  I know what to feel for this time, so I think that's why I'm more sensitive to it.  It's such a fun feeling!  Of course, I can't wait to feel BIG movements.  I'm so excited for Addison to experience feeling the baby move too.  She's so excited and can't wait to be a big sister.....of course, she knows she already is a big sister.

Speaking of Addison, she is having the hardest time sleeping at night.  It takes at least an hour to get her to sleep.  She is very needy and still wants to nurse at night.  It's wearing me out.  I'm not sure what to do...so, if someone out there actually reads this & you have an idea, please please please let me know.  I thought we'd let Addison wean herself, but I think she's totally addicted.  Maybe one day!

I have an appointment tomorrow.  I'm so excited to hear the heart beat!  We need to start looking for another midwife, since our amazing midwife is retiring three months before my due date!  I'm sort of dragging my feet, hoping she'll stay!

11 weeks, 4 days

I decided to listen to my midwife.  She told me to take B6 for nausea.  Really, looking back, I'm not sure why I didn't actually take it way sooner than what she told me.  It works!  It's not perfect, but it's a huge improvement.

Here's how the past week has been --

Nausea is much improved for the most part.

I'm still having crazy vivid dreams.  Some are very interesting and feel very real.  It's weird.

Pregnancy hormones are totally kicking in (which could also be why I'm feeling less nauseous...that placenta is finally making hormones instead of my body).  I got teary-eyed at my daughter's gymnastics the other day.  The kids get to ring a bell when they do something for the first time.  A couple of girls (maybe 7 or 8) did stuff for the first time and they got to ring the bell.  Wow.  Let's just say I'm glad it wasn't my child! I would have been sobbing.  Lots of little things (and big things) are making me emotional.  So, YAY FOR MY PLACENTA! Oh, and my sex drive (the husband is thrilled about this!).

My uterus is feeling full.  I'm sure if my belly wasn't so fluffy to begin with, you might be able to see a small bump.  I'm feeling some tightening.  Not sure what that is, but I'm not going to worry.  Maybe it's just growing.  It's never painful, so that's good.  No bleeding either.

I still worry about things like placenta previa.  But, like I said, no bleeding, so maybe we're good.  I don't know though.

I'm totally craving Mexican food right now.  I eat it. A LOT.  Everyone, including me, thinks this is a boy. I'm a little nervous about the whole boy thing, but I trust God will only give me what I can handle.

Addison is closer and closer to being weaned every day.  She barely asks for milkies anymore.  She told me she knows she doesn't need them anymore.  So sad.  And happy.

Life is good!

10 weeks, 3 days....WOW, how did I get to be that far?

It feels like just yesterday I was taking pregnancy tests and yet, I have less than 2 weeks until my 2nd trimester.

Last Friday, September 17, we had our first midwife appointment.  We got to see our little baby.  I think my husband was much more emotional about it than I was.  I think it was relief for me...relief there was a baby and relief there was only one baby.  I'm slightly a worrier.  Just slightly.  I worried I had an ectopic pregnancy.  I worried I had a molar pregnancy.  I worried I had two babies (which would have been the best of all options and we would have been happy, but TWO?).  So, I was very relieved when I saw the ultrasound.  And of course, that set of worries has been replaced by a new set (gestational diabetes and placenta previa are my current worries).

We went to Breckenridge, Colorado for a little family vacation right after my midwife appointment.  It was so relaxing and peaceful.  Some days my "morning sickness" never roared it's ugly head.  And then, there were days like last Thursday.  I barfed.  In public.  On Main Street.  At lunchtime.  Fun!  I had just eaten an amazing crepe and was feeling pretty good about everything.  I decided to try to take my prenatal vitamins (since I had been pretty bad about taking them).  I'm using Rainbow Light prenatal vitamins and you are supposed to take 6 a day.  They are a bit smaller, so it's usually okay.  I don't take 6 at once, I usually divide them between meals.  As soon as that damn vitamin hit the back of my throat I gagged.  Then, I found a pretty little tree and vomited up all of my pretty little crepe.  My poor husband and daughter.  He kept telling her that mommy just didn't feel good.

So, now, I'm back home, trying desperately to get this nausea under control.  There are some things that are helping.  Smells annoy me.  I threw up this morning just because of the smell of our plug-ins.  Out they came.  Eating protein helps.  I don't want protein.  I want carbs.  I want soft, floury biscuits.  I do not want chicken, but I eat it.  Keeping my blood sugar stable is helping.  I often eat a stick of cheese in the middle of the night to help with the morning nausea.

I ate a lot of gum in Colorado (okay, I didn't EAT it, I chewed it).  I realized the gum, although it was helping my ears, it was hurting my belly.  I remembered from my sugar-free diet this summer that aspartame can kill your insulin levels.  My body was thinking I had something sweet, so my insulin increased.  Increasing insulin will lower your blood sugar fast.  So, the drop in blood sugar cause an increase in my nausea.  I quit chewing gum and it helped quite a bit.

I will continue to eat every couple of hours (although it's not the floury, carby goodness I would so love to eat).  I will try anything to get this "morning sickness" to go away!

Yep! I'm Pregnant!

So, I have a really hard time keeping a secret. Any secret, but I kept my pregnancy secret for a while.  I still haven't totally announced it to the world (aka Facebook).  There are a bunch of people I work with on my Facebook, so I'm waiting a bit (next Friday, 9/17, to be exact).  But, since I'm pretty sure none of them read my little blog, I thought I'd blog about what the last few weeks have been like (finally!).  I've been wanting to post about this for a while now.  So, here goes:

July 30 -- Very planned date night.  Husband closed on a house this day.  He told me way in advance he wanted to go out and celebrate.  I checked my calendar for two things...(1) if I was working (nope) and (2) if I was ovulating (yep).  We went to the movies and to dinner.  We even splurged and stayed in a hotel downtown.  Just because.  So, technically speaking, this was the start of Week 2 of pregnancy! :)  The rest of the week went by uneventfully.  But, I was convinced our little sperm and egg didn't meet that night (what a pessimist).

Week 3 -- Believe it or not, I knew I was pregnant by week 3.  I even posted something on twitter asking about how early anyone had known they were pregnant.  I was TIRED beyond belief this week.  My boobs were starting to hurt.  I was cramping a little.  I was trying to not get to psyched up, so I convinced myself I was just going to have a killer period.  I started taking pregnancy tests this week.  Of course, they were all negative.  I think I took five or something crazy, ridiculous like that.

Week 4 -- Day 1 - I had to work that night (I'm not a hooker, I'm a night shift nurse), so I needed to take a nap.  But, I really wanted to take one more pregnancy test.  I texted my husband to see what he thought.  He said to JUST TAKE IT.  I did.  It was a big fat positive!  I texted him back asking when he was coming home.  He said later.  I tried and tried to get him to come home right away, telling him I needed more pregnancy tests now.  He wouldn't/couldn't come back.  So, I tried to sleep.  I couldn't.  I was too excited!  Week 4 brought more sore boobs and more cramps and pure happiness.  We did tell our families very early this time.  You know, sometimes people don't want to tell "just in case something happens."  Our thoughts were we'd tell them "if something happened."  Sadly, we got mixed responses.  I'm not sure why.  They say they were shocked, but the response was, "Oh, you're telling people already" and walking away.  Hmmm.  Well, my response was, "You're not just 'people' to me.  We'd tell you if anything happened."  Of course, I have a chip on my shoulder and think it's because this person thinks I'm too fat to get pregnant right now.  Another response from this family was "Well, I'm glad we hadn't put up the baby bed."  Geez, glad we could be convenient for you.  Glad we could save you some trouble.  Others were very excited for us...which is very exciting for us!

Week 5 -- The sore boob saga continues.  Since I'm still nursing, this is not helping the situation at all.  Oh wow.  Nothing exciting happened this week.

Week 6-- Nausea central sets in.  I was nauseous with my daughter, but not like this.  Maybe it's because I'm home during the day now and I have time to think about it.  I don't know.  It's way worse this time.  I had been eating very good so far, but nausea is no friend to wanting to make healthy choices for me.  I know it should be, but I'm incapable of eating right when nauseous.

Week 7 -- More nausea.  More sore boobs, not so much crampy.  I can feel my uterus growing (damn adhesions).  I am so nauseous one night at work, I try to induce vomiting.  No luck.  I have the world's strongest gag reflex.  Another coworker encourages me to eat every 2 hours, and include proteins every single time I eat.  So, I confess my tomato sandwich, pickles, and dried fruit were probably not the best choice that night before work (hmmm, carbs, carbs, carbs).  I eat protein and feel better almost immediately.  Today, 7 weeks, 4 days, I am home and will try my hardest to eat proteins every 2 hours.

So, that's the last month or so for me!  We're very excited, but it's so hard to be excited when you're nauseous.  I'm ready for this to go away so I can enjoy this pregnancy!