Because I need to write my birth story, it's going to be hard to write without talking about my daughter's birth. Her birth (and I did not give birth to her, she was extracted from my body) changed me forever. Here is how I recall it....
As with any VBAC birth story, this birth was ONLY the way it was because of my first "birth" story. Since I'm not really sure I've ever written my first birth story, I'll share the short version of it. I was induced at 39 weeks & 4 days with pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure had been creeping up. The weekend before my induction, I had a really bad headache. I knew the time was coming. I must also say during my pregnancy I was very unhealthy. I had a very stressful job (I was a manager of a busy busy nursing unit). I worked long hours. I took little time for myself. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. My doctor did discuss my diet with me, but I thought it was because she was concerned about my weight. I thought she wanted me to limit my weight gain. So, I really ignored her advice (eat a high protein diet, nothing to drink except black coffee, unsweetened tea, milk, or water). I didn't exercise, except for the few prenatal yoga classes I took starting at about 32 weeks. According to my Bishop's score (I was 4 cm, 90% effaced, and minus 1 station), I had a favorable cervix. I should have had a "successful" induction. After discussing the plan with my doctor, we would use cytotec to induce. I know, I know. However, this was 4 years ago. The plan was for me to have 1 or 2 doses of cytotec and then labor on my own. Our plan was to not have to start pitocin. After my appointment, with my headache, high blood pressure, and protein in my urine, we were sent home to get our things. My husband & I went to eat some lunch then headed to the hospital. My mom was there before we were. We were all very excited!
At about 1:30pm, the first dose of cytotec was placed. I started contracting about every 5 minutes. My contractions were not painful at all. My doctor (and I) decided to break my water. Almost immediately the contractions became unbearable. Unfortunately, at the same time, I was placed on magnesium sulfate for my pre-eclampsia. I was stuck in bed. This was not in my plan. However, I moved a lot. I was constantly rolling from side-to-side. And, my cervix was changing. Then, the pain became unbearable. I first had a dose of Nubain. After about 3 hours, I was begging for my epidural. I think I was about 7 cm dilated and it was about 11 pm. The epidural was instant relief. My family & my husband's family came in to visit (they had been there the entire time). We really thought I'd have a baby soon.
But, with the epidural my movement stopped. When my movement stopped, my contractions stopped. My cervix stopped changing. At some point in the night, pitocin was started. Eventually, I was completely dilated, but with no urge to push. I think this was around 8 am. But, I pushed. I pushed in hands & knees, using the squatting bar, and on my back. I pushed with all my might. I pushed for 2 and a half hours. I did not move my daughter at all after 2 and a half hours. I was exhausted. I begged for a vacuum (she was too high...never got past 0 station). Finally, my doctor said it was up to me, but she didn't think I'd move her any more. She said I could go ahead & push for another hour or so, but I probably wouldn't get her any lower than where she was. At this point, I decided a c-section was what would be best. But, before we went to the OR, my doctor told me I would VBAC with my next baby. I didn't believe her. I didn't believe there would EVER be another baby.
My c-section was awful. While I did not feel pain, I had post-partum hemorrhage. I lost a lot of blood. That's what happens when you have magnesium, an epidural, pitocin, and you've pushed for 2.5 hours. Throughout my post-partum stay (over the next four days), I would receive Hespan (a starch that is supposed to thicken your blood...I think) and 4 units of blood. My hematocrit and hemoglobin dropped to dangerously low levels. It took me 48 hours to even get out of bed. I could not care for my daughter. I could not breastfeed. I couldn't use the bathroom by myself. I needed so much help.
As my doctor was discharging me, she told me again that I would VBAC with my next baby. Yeah, right. There won't be a next baby, is all I could think. She told me used 2 layers of sutures, just because she knew I'd want to VBAC.
I went home feeling awful. We had such a hard time caring for our precious daughter. I was having a horrible time breastfeeding (never really got that under control until she was about 2 months old). Then, I got depressed, really depressed. Not so much as in how some people have depression, but I was depressed about my birth. I knew very soon that I was not happy with my birth experience. I felt like I missed out on something, something very important, something very valuable.
At this point, I started searching for a c-section support group. I googled "c-section support group" and that's how I found ICAN. Of course, there wasn't an ICAN chapter nearby, but I found support immediately. This was a group of women who completely understood how I felt. They got it. I loved my daughter with all my heart and soul (although bonding was difficult), but I did not love the way she was brought into this world. I think it's very similar to having a horrible wedding day, but still loving your spouse. Just because the day doesn't go as planned, doesn't mean you don't love the outcome.
Slowly, I realized I would VBAC my next baby. Then, I started an ICAN chapter in my area. I became educated and empowered. I learned more about birth, c-sections, and VBAC during the next few years than some learn in their whole life. I was dedicated to having better birth outcomes.
I still do not feel completely healed from my c-section. I am sad beyond belief that I missed out on such an important time in my daughter's life. I am sad that I was not the relaxed parent that I am now. I really feel like I missed out on so much just because of my c-section.
Showing posts with label c-section. Show all posts
Showing posts with label c-section. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, July 23, 2010
Why I Chose to Breastfeed
Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on The Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Importance of Breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!
I've been a little SWAMPED with school, so I didn't post the previous two days. Here's what you missed:
Wordless Wednesday...ironically, I have two pictures of myself breastfeeding. TWO! And, they're both mostly head shots of me. One is at a restaurant and you can only see my face. The other is an extremely adorable picture of my daughter's head and me. Her foot is up on my chest. That's it. Maybe with baby #2, I'll be brave enough to take more pictures!
Yesterday's Carnival post should have been about how my birth experience impacted nursing...
I really thought I had written about my "birth." I guess I have not shared that here. But, that goes along with the importance of breastfeeding and why I chose (and committed fully) to nursing my daughter.
When I was pregnant, and even before, I knew I'd nurse. I have an awesome sister-in-law who was an excellent example. She nursed her first daughter for a year. It could be done. Women in Oklahoma do breastfeed for more than 6 weeks!
Then I got pregnant. I did not take breastfeeding classes. I thought I knew it all (yeah, right!). No one prepared me for how hard breastfeeding is. It's truly an art. Then came A's birth. A. was born via c-section after 24 hours of labor (induction for pre-eclampsia) and 2.5 hours (included in the 24 hours) of pushing. I was devastated. Heartbroken. Fortunately, I had the most awesome nurse, who, despite my post-partum hemorrhage (the real deal, lots and lots and lots of blood) got Addison to latch on. Not only did she did A. to latch on within, probably, less than 1 hour from her birth, she did so as I was actively bleeding. That simple act helped me so much. The bond was formed. The connection was made.
The next 48 hours were a totally different story. I got 2 units of Hespan (a starch that is used as a volume expander...trying to avoiding getting blood), was on Magnesium Sulfate, was out of it, and got 2 units of blood. My blood pressure was 140s/40s...for real. That's because my hemoglobin dropped dramatically. I felt awful. A. got very little, if any, of my milk in that first 48 hours. Daddy (and the entire family) learned to syringe feed (formula) during this time.
At 48 hours, I went to the mom/baby unit. I struggled over the next 48 hours. I got 2 more units of blood. I saw every lactation consultant (almost) employed at the hospital. I pumped. I resigned myself to being okay with formula and breastfeeding. My nurses (who happened to be my employees, as I was their manager) comforted me, consoled me, told me formula was okay. I was heartbroken.
But, somewhere...maybe the ride home...maybe the first morning we woke up to a room full of bottles...I don't really know.....somewhere though, it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I did NOT have the birth I wanted. In fact, I despised the way my daughter was born. I felt respected. I loved (and still do) my OB. She was so awesome and encouraging and supportive. She told me I'd VBAC next time. So, it had nothing to do with the way I felt during surgery. I hated my recovery. I hated having MY child cut from me. So, I decided I would NOT give up on breastfeeding.
Then, I had milk supply issues. Huge issues. As in, my milk didn't "come in" for 2 weeks. For 2 weeks, I breastfed, pumped, and fed A. formula. No wonder I was exhausted and had a horrible recovery. I was always feeding or preparing to feed my daughter! When I saw my OB at my 2 week visit, I nearly begged for her permission to quit breastfeeding. After all, I thought, if she thought it was okay, it would be okay. Well, she told me it would be okay...but to keep breastfeeding. Grrr, not what I wanted to hear. But, I did not want to disappoint her. Or myself. Or my daughter. (Probably in reverse order!)
Little A did not get the birth she deserved. She would get the food she deserved. So I nursed. And nursed. I took fenugreek (per my OB's recommendation). At about 6 weeks, it all sunk in. Nursing was suddenly easy. I vowed quitting at any time, was still indeed quitting. And I vowed never to quit. (On a side note, I think it's okay to quit at 3 years...where we are now!)
Other than psychologically mending my relationship with my daughter...it has helped her health. She has been a healthy little girl. Compared to my nephews, who only got a little breast milk (less than 1 week), she is absolutely healthy!
And, I'm frugal. And green. Think of all the money I saved! And water!
And, that, is how breastfeeding became so important to me.
Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.
This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe's Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on The Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today's post is about Importance of Breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today's carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!
I've been a little SWAMPED with school, so I didn't post the previous two days. Here's what you missed:
Wordless Wednesday...ironically, I have two pictures of myself breastfeeding. TWO! And, they're both mostly head shots of me. One is at a restaurant and you can only see my face. The other is an extremely adorable picture of my daughter's head and me. Her foot is up on my chest. That's it. Maybe with baby #2, I'll be brave enough to take more pictures!
Yesterday's Carnival post should have been about how my birth experience impacted nursing...
I really thought I had written about my "birth." I guess I have not shared that here. But, that goes along with the importance of breastfeeding and why I chose (and committed fully) to nursing my daughter.
When I was pregnant, and even before, I knew I'd nurse. I have an awesome sister-in-law who was an excellent example. She nursed her first daughter for a year. It could be done. Women in Oklahoma do breastfeed for more than 6 weeks!
Then I got pregnant. I did not take breastfeeding classes. I thought I knew it all (yeah, right!). No one prepared me for how hard breastfeeding is. It's truly an art. Then came A's birth. A. was born via c-section after 24 hours of labor (induction for pre-eclampsia) and 2.5 hours (included in the 24 hours) of pushing. I was devastated. Heartbroken. Fortunately, I had the most awesome nurse, who, despite my post-partum hemorrhage (the real deal, lots and lots and lots of blood) got Addison to latch on. Not only did she did A. to latch on within, probably, less than 1 hour from her birth, she did so as I was actively bleeding. That simple act helped me so much. The bond was formed. The connection was made.
The next 48 hours were a totally different story. I got 2 units of Hespan (a starch that is used as a volume expander...trying to avoiding getting blood), was on Magnesium Sulfate, was out of it, and got 2 units of blood. My blood pressure was 140s/40s...for real. That's because my hemoglobin dropped dramatically. I felt awful. A. got very little, if any, of my milk in that first 48 hours. Daddy (and the entire family) learned to syringe feed (formula) during this time.
At 48 hours, I went to the mom/baby unit. I struggled over the next 48 hours. I got 2 more units of blood. I saw every lactation consultant (almost) employed at the hospital. I pumped. I resigned myself to being okay with formula and breastfeeding. My nurses (who happened to be my employees, as I was their manager) comforted me, consoled me, told me formula was okay. I was heartbroken.
But, somewhere...maybe the ride home...maybe the first morning we woke up to a room full of bottles...I don't really know.....somewhere though, it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I did NOT have the birth I wanted. In fact, I despised the way my daughter was born. I felt respected. I loved (and still do) my OB. She was so awesome and encouraging and supportive. She told me I'd VBAC next time. So, it had nothing to do with the way I felt during surgery. I hated my recovery. I hated having MY child cut from me. So, I decided I would NOT give up on breastfeeding.
Then, I had milk supply issues. Huge issues. As in, my milk didn't "come in" for 2 weeks. For 2 weeks, I breastfed, pumped, and fed A. formula. No wonder I was exhausted and had a horrible recovery. I was always feeding or preparing to feed my daughter! When I saw my OB at my 2 week visit, I nearly begged for her permission to quit breastfeeding. After all, I thought, if she thought it was okay, it would be okay. Well, she told me it would be okay...but to keep breastfeeding. Grrr, not what I wanted to hear. But, I did not want to disappoint her. Or myself. Or my daughter. (Probably in reverse order!)
Little A did not get the birth she deserved. She would get the food she deserved. So I nursed. And nursed. I took fenugreek (per my OB's recommendation). At about 6 weeks, it all sunk in. Nursing was suddenly easy. I vowed quitting at any time, was still indeed quitting. And I vowed never to quit. (On a side note, I think it's okay to quit at 3 years...where we are now!)
Other than psychologically mending my relationship with my daughter...it has helped her health. She has been a healthy little girl. Compared to my nephews, who only got a little breast milk (less than 1 week), she is absolutely healthy!
And, I'm frugal. And green. Think of all the money I saved! And water!
And, that, is how breastfeeding became so important to me.
Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.
- Sylko @ Chaotic Mama—http://chaoticmama.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/breastfeeding-carnival-importance-of-breastfeeding/">Breastfeeding Carnival: Importance of Breastfeeding
- Sara @ The Covered Wagon—http://thecoveredwagon.wordpress.com/2010/07/23/nursing-a-food-allergic-child">Nursing a Food Allergic Child
- Shelly @ Lousy Mom—http://lousymom.com/content/importance-breastfeeding">Importance of breastfeeding
- Timbra @ Bosoms & Babes—http://bosoms-and-babes.blogspot.com/2010/07/importance-of-breastfeeding-carnival.htm">The best non-decision I ever made
- Shary @ Mama Fish—http://www.blog.sharylove.com/?p=193">Why Breast Milk is Best
- Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl—http://wp.me/pDcm9-kQ">I Breastfeed For Me
- Lauren @ Hobo Mama—http://www.hobomama.com/2010/07/why-breastfeeding-is-important.html">Why breastfeeding is important
- Kate @ KateIsFun—http://kateisfun.blogspot.com/2010/07/importance-of-breastfeeding.html">The Importance of Breastfeeding
- Kaitlin Rose @ Bring Birth Home—http://bringbirthhome.com/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-came-naturally/">Breastfeeding Came Naturally
- Brooke @ Milk Maid Mamma—http://milkmaidmomma.blogspot.com/2010/07/why-i-chose-to-breastfeed.html">Why I Chose to Breastfeed
- Lexi @ Life as a Mommy—http://dennyandlexi.blogspot.com/2010/07/special-bonds.html">Special Bonds
- Whitney @ According to Waddlebug:The (Un)Balancing act of Motherhood—http://theunbalancingactofmotherhood.blogspot.com/2010/07/importance-of-breastfeeding.html">Importance of Breastfeeding
- Natasha @ naturalurbanmama—http://www.naturalurbanmama.com/2010/07/importance-of-breastfeeding-x-men-and.html">Importance of Breastfeeding:X-men and Faberge Shampoo
- Shelly @ Lousy Mom—http://lousymom.com/content/wheat-allergies-and-working">Wheat allergies and working
- And of course the guest poster on the Breastfeeding Cafe’s Blog today is Jen Karsbaek—http://wp.me/pwUtv-j9">Breastfeeding Helps Me Love My Son
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Choosing a Provider
I believe choosing a provider is the single most important external factor regarding birth. Sure, there are lots of things a mom can do to have an excellent birth...she can exercise, watch what she eats, read great books, etc. Here are some stories that have led me to believe this:
- A friend LOVES her doctor. He did a c-section for "failure to progress" at 9cm. He will not VBAC. So, she won't get her VBAC. He also delivers at a hospital notoriously known for their incredibly high c-section rate. Hmmm...she had a c-section and most likely will have another.
- Another friend had a supportive midwife, but the midwife was a part of a group practice. In the end, there was an incredibly unsupportive physician backing up the midwife the day she went in to labor. Unfortunately, she didn't get the outcome she wanted.
- An ICAN mom/doula had a great midwife with a great supporting physician. She had complications during her pregnancy and had to have a repeat c-section. While she didn't VBAC (she actually was already a VBA2C mom), she had a respectful c-section.
And, my favorite provider story of all..."MY" doctor. She's no longer practicing in my state, but I would go to great lengths to let her care for me again!
The story of my provider goes way back. I was a nurse at the hospital where she practiced. I loved her immediately. I saw her for the first year or two I worked there. Then, I realized she was very slow to do c-sections. I had the typical, everything-is-high-risk attitude some nurses have. I switched providers because...get this...I thought she wouldn't do a c-section if I needed one. The absolute irony of this is wild!
I went to the other doctor once. Sure, I liked her, but throughout that next year, I realized I didn't want a doctor who would jump at the chance to cut me. I went back to the first doctor.
She was a VBAC mom herself. I started to see how she treated her patients. Most memorably was a VBAC labor and birth with her. She was so gentle and so supportive.
When I got pregnant, I never really thought of c-section. My mom had 2 easy vaginal births. Nearly every woman on her side of the family had easy vaginal births. In fact, from my grandmother to my cousins, women in family (blood relatives) have given birth 26 times. Of those 26 births, there have only been 4 c-sections. The c-section rate of my family is 15%, what the WHO recommends. Interestingly enough, there were no c-sections with any of my mom's sister. The four c-sections reside amongst 3 cousins (mine, 2 from one cousin, and one from another). Back to the point...
My doctor spend the night at the hospital, even though she only lived a few blocks away. After pushing for 2.5 hours, I believed and trusted my doctor when she said she didn't think anything was going to happen. When I decided it was time, she patted my leg and said, "Don't worry, you'll VBAC next time." Before surgery!
When she came to see me after surgery, she told me she used two layers of suture so I could VBAC.
I know I would have been so much worse off if I had a different provider. Dr. S knew how much a vaginal birth meant to me. She is so amazing and wonderful!
So, please pick a provider you know with all of your heart will provide the best care possible for you!
Also, get a doula, read good books, and enjoy your pregnancy!
- A friend LOVES her doctor. He did a c-section for "failure to progress" at 9cm. He will not VBAC. So, she won't get her VBAC. He also delivers at a hospital notoriously known for their incredibly high c-section rate. Hmmm...she had a c-section and most likely will have another.
- Another friend had a supportive midwife, but the midwife was a part of a group practice. In the end, there was an incredibly unsupportive physician backing up the midwife the day she went in to labor. Unfortunately, she didn't get the outcome she wanted.
- An ICAN mom/doula had a great midwife with a great supporting physician. She had complications during her pregnancy and had to have a repeat c-section. While she didn't VBAC (she actually was already a VBA2C mom), she had a respectful c-section.
And, my favorite provider story of all..."MY" doctor. She's no longer practicing in my state, but I would go to great lengths to let her care for me again!
The story of my provider goes way back. I was a nurse at the hospital where she practiced. I loved her immediately. I saw her for the first year or two I worked there. Then, I realized she was very slow to do c-sections. I had the typical, everything-is-high-risk attitude some nurses have. I switched providers because...get this...I thought she wouldn't do a c-section if I needed one. The absolute irony of this is wild!
I went to the other doctor once. Sure, I liked her, but throughout that next year, I realized I didn't want a doctor who would jump at the chance to cut me. I went back to the first doctor.
She was a VBAC mom herself. I started to see how she treated her patients. Most memorably was a VBAC labor and birth with her. She was so gentle and so supportive.
When I got pregnant, I never really thought of c-section. My mom had 2 easy vaginal births. Nearly every woman on her side of the family had easy vaginal births. In fact, from my grandmother to my cousins, women in family (blood relatives) have given birth 26 times. Of those 26 births, there have only been 4 c-sections. The c-section rate of my family is 15%, what the WHO recommends. Interestingly enough, there were no c-sections with any of my mom's sister. The four c-sections reside amongst 3 cousins (mine, 2 from one cousin, and one from another). Back to the point...
My doctor spend the night at the hospital, even though she only lived a few blocks away. After pushing for 2.5 hours, I believed and trusted my doctor when she said she didn't think anything was going to happen. When I decided it was time, she patted my leg and said, "Don't worry, you'll VBAC next time." Before surgery!
When she came to see me after surgery, she told me she used two layers of suture so I could VBAC.
I know I would have been so much worse off if I had a different provider. Dr. S knew how much a vaginal birth meant to me. She is so amazing and wonderful!
So, please pick a provider you know with all of your heart will provide the best care possible for you!
Also, get a doula, read good books, and enjoy your pregnancy!
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