Yea, I'm a "big" girl. I always have been. I remember being taller (and probably bigger) than EVERYONE in kindergarten. That is my first memory of my size. My mom tells me my pediatrician told her to put me on a diet when I was two. I would've fired him then and there...but I was only two. When I was 12, in 6th grade, I remember being weighed. I remember, exactly, weighing in at 135 lbs. I don't remember my height, but I couldn't have been a whole lot shorter than I am now (5'6"). But, I remember being considered "overweight." Two memories, years apart, and my issues with fat start.
The ONLY thin people in my family are the athletes. There are quite a few athletic people in my family. But, God decided not to even out the talent, and just gave a few of them a lot of ability! My brother and a few cousins played sports at the college level. Not me, and not really most of us. The rest of us, well, we're pleasantly plump.
But (and isn't there always a but?), I AM healthy. I've always had a healthy blood pressure (except those last few weeks of my first pregnancy). I've never had high cholesterol. Nothing at all. So, my health insurance at work was offering a health screening. You get weighed. You get your blood pressure taken. You get some labs drawn (a lipid profile, nicotine, cotine, & blood sugar). No big deal...right? Well, I got the results back today. And, as expected ALL of my lab results were considered normal.
But wait....aren't ALL fat people unhealthy? Shouldn't my blood pressure be high? Shouldn't my LDL be through the roof? And surely my fasting blood sugar should indicate I have diabetes, right? Well, they don't. Of course they don't. I am healthy. But, I'm fat.
So, I have to have a physician (yep, it specifically says physician) referral before I get any of the (monetary) benefits of having this health screening. Why? I'm fat. I'm also 31 weeks pregnant & WILL not participate in ANY weight loss program until my child is on the outside! Also, I refuse to take part of any aggressive weight loss while I am breast feeding. (Which is likely to be a long time!)
My other issue is with the fact it's a "Physician Referral Notice." It even says "M.D." signature. As a nurse practitioner student and a patient of a Certified Nurse Midwife, I should be able to have any qualified health professional look at this & set REASONABLE goals with me. I should be able to see an NP, a CNM, a PA, or even a DO, if I want.
And, this isn't the first time I've been affected by fat bias. I was declined for health insurance (which we ultimately declined them, so I'm not even sure if that counts) because of my weight. That was the first time I really felt fat bias. I was hurt. I was devastated. It meant I had to work part-time while attending school full-time, just to have health insurance. I've done it. And I've utilized less health care than anyone in my family during the past year.
Why is all this bias coming from insurance companies? Well, I just think they don't care about people. They care about the all-mighty dollar. Everything is black and white to insurance companies. Wow, her BMI is high. I bet she's gonna have a stroke any day. If she doesn't have a stroke, surely she'll have diabetes. And, I bet she doesn't eat healthy. And definitely doesn't exercise. Nope, not the fat ones. They eat junk food & watch TV all day, every day.
While I was griping about this to my husband, he laughs, and brings up a friend of ours who by any insurance standards would be considered "obese." He's a police officer in a very large metropolitan city. He's also a body builder. He is probably 5'10" and weighs probably 220 pounds. I calculated a BMI based on those measurements. It's 31.6. So, maybe he could get health insurance....if he cut is leg off. In all reality, this nameless police officer probably has a waist circumference of 30" (my guess) and probably has less than 5% body fat. Now, I'm not saying he is HEALTHY, because I think that's just gross. And he is doing weird things to his body (we are NOT supposed to look like that!). But, he is NOT fat. Not in any way shape or form. But, if you look at his BMI, he's obese. Really? Come on!
So, my thoughts.....THE BMI SUCKS!!!!
It's a horrible indicator of health. It tells you nothing, except how a ratio of height to weight. It does not take into account muscle mass, body type, or health. Nothing. I hate it. I know skinny people who are more unhealthy than I am.
When I'm in practice, I refuse to use the BMI as a health indicator. There's my promise to all of you. Come see me (in about a year and half) and I will not calculate your BMI. I may not even weigh you.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
What?!?!
What?!? Okay, I'm not exactly the most consistent blogger, but really, TWO MONTHS? Well, I guess life has been happening to me...so I haven't done anything...well, blog wise. So, here's what's been up....
I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant (and I need to be about 24)....we're not ready. There's just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished before baby arrives. And no, I'm not necessarily concerned with stocking his closet or anything like that. Now, I would like to have a name. A name would be good, right? Also (and this IS crazy), I'd like to have his room ready. I'm really not sure why on this one. Our daughter doesn't sleep in her room at the age of 3. But, we have bedding picked out & just need to get it! I don't care if his room is painted or not. I would love for my husband to get the bassinet/co-sleeper ready before the baby arrives. So, once the crib (like I said, the one he's NOT going to use) is ready & we have a few diapers, I'm good.
Now about school....I've been crazy busy with school this term. In the past terms, school was primarily a Monday through Friday deal for me. I quit studying late afternoon. Rarely did I do school-work in the evenings or on the weekends. This term...all 8 hours of it...is taking me under! Of course, I am in the middle of the 2 busiest weeks of the term. Once March gets here, it's all down hill. My classes are good & I think I'm learning! :) I still feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to KNOW this stuff! And to be able to use it.
Work....work is work. We've been rather busy for most of the year. But, we haven't had anything horrible or been so overwhelmed there. Just busy. I've had really awesome patients lately, and that makes me one happy girl.
So, that's about it for me. Maybe it won't be 2 months until I blog again. But, if it is, I'll probably be the mom of 2! (Aaagggghhhhh!!!!!!)
I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant (and I need to be about 24)....we're not ready. There's just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished before baby arrives. And no, I'm not necessarily concerned with stocking his closet or anything like that. Now, I would like to have a name. A name would be good, right? Also (and this IS crazy), I'd like to have his room ready. I'm really not sure why on this one. Our daughter doesn't sleep in her room at the age of 3. But, we have bedding picked out & just need to get it! I don't care if his room is painted or not. I would love for my husband to get the bassinet/co-sleeper ready before the baby arrives. So, once the crib (like I said, the one he's NOT going to use) is ready & we have a few diapers, I'm good.
Now about school....I've been crazy busy with school this term. In the past terms, school was primarily a Monday through Friday deal for me. I quit studying late afternoon. Rarely did I do school-work in the evenings or on the weekends. This term...all 8 hours of it...is taking me under! Of course, I am in the middle of the 2 busiest weeks of the term. Once March gets here, it's all down hill. My classes are good & I think I'm learning! :) I still feel overwhelmed by the thought of having to KNOW this stuff! And to be able to use it.
Work....work is work. We've been rather busy for most of the year. But, we haven't had anything horrible or been so overwhelmed there. Just busy. I've had really awesome patients lately, and that makes me one happy girl.
So, that's about it for me. Maybe it won't be 2 months until I blog again. But, if it is, I'll probably be the mom of 2! (Aaagggghhhhh!!!!!!)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Resolutions
It's that time of year where we all vow to lose weight...except I don't have to do that this year! I did think I should have some New Year's Resolutions this year, just because I need to, because we need to be better people every year. Here they are, in no particular order:
(1) Give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. Of course, my dream is to VBAC, but I would rather have a healthy baby. Yes, I will be greatly disappointed if I do not VBAC, so I'm working very hard to make that easier.
(2) Eat healthier. I've made a lot of changes over the past year, but I do have a ways to go. I eat tons of healthy food, I just love my junk food too. I need to quit sugar for good.
(3) Balance the budget. Just our little family budget, but it's a start.
(4) Get out of debt (minus my school loan). This won't be hard because we're not far from it! Yay! This is a very short term goal....will be done by mid-February.
(5) Be a better mother. Since we will be welcoming a little boy into our lives, I will be challenged with mother two children. I'm nervous about sharing my time, but I'm excited.
(6) Be a better Christian. Lead a daily devotional life. The church we go to, St. Luke's UMC in OKC, challenged everyone to this last year. I didn't make it. I would love to do a much better this year.
(7) Get organized. Really organized. I'm very unorganized. I'm ready to get organized. Now, when is that going to happen?
(8) Disconnect more. Enjoy life more. :)
(1) Give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. Of course, my dream is to VBAC, but I would rather have a healthy baby. Yes, I will be greatly disappointed if I do not VBAC, so I'm working very hard to make that easier.
(2) Eat healthier. I've made a lot of changes over the past year, but I do have a ways to go. I eat tons of healthy food, I just love my junk food too. I need to quit sugar for good.
(3) Balance the budget. Just our little family budget, but it's a start.
(4) Get out of debt (minus my school loan). This won't be hard because we're not far from it! Yay! This is a very short term goal....will be done by mid-February.
(5) Be a better mother. Since we will be welcoming a little boy into our lives, I will be challenged with mother two children. I'm nervous about sharing my time, but I'm excited.
(6) Be a better Christian. Lead a daily devotional life. The church we go to, St. Luke's UMC in OKC, challenged everyone to this last year. I didn't make it. I would love to do a much better this year.
(7) Get organized. Really organized. I'm very unorganized. I'm ready to get organized. Now, when is that going to happen?
(8) Disconnect more. Enjoy life more. :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
My Baby Boy & My Big Girl
It's a boy! Of course, I knew it was a boy from the second I had a positive pregnancy test, but boy parts were confirmed by a professional on Thursday. I felt different from the beginning (much like my sister-in-law's boy pregnancy). Most people thought it was a boy. We were all right!
I must admit, I am a little nervous about having a boy. The dirt doesn't scare me. Motorcycles, skate boards, and BMX bikes don't even scare me. It's the damn frogs I'm terrified of. I pray my son will not be a frog boy. I really have a debilitating fear of frogs. I've never touched one and I'm not even sure I could do it for my son. Really. Bring on the bikes, dirt, and really just about anything else. If my son is anything like my husband, he will have at least a thousand injuries due to his stunts, but that's okay. I'm prepared for trips to the ER. I'm prepared to build a half-pipe in my back yard. I am prepared...even a little excited. But, please please please, no frogs.
I'm also torn as to the whole circumcision thing. I know many people are stuanchly for or against this. I've always had the thought my son should look like his dad. But, now, more than anything, I'm just not 100% sure I want a piece of his body removed when he's not even one day old. Regardless of what anyone says, it just does not feel normal, even though it is a completely "normal" procedure. I've seen circumcisions done & it is scary. We'll see, we have 20 weeks to decide!
Now, my big girl. My big girl who is throwing tantrums. My big girl who no longer has fat cheeks. My big girl who is going to be the best big sister ever. It's so sad, yet so exciting to see her grow into a child. I have conversations with her. She can brush her teeth and wash her face all by herself. She showers alone (well, with me or daddy nearby). She can almost get dressed alone...and undressed. She's such a grown up little girl.
What am I going to do? Enjoy every single second of it!
I must admit, I am a little nervous about having a boy. The dirt doesn't scare me. Motorcycles, skate boards, and BMX bikes don't even scare me. It's the damn frogs I'm terrified of. I pray my son will not be a frog boy. I really have a debilitating fear of frogs. I've never touched one and I'm not even sure I could do it for my son. Really. Bring on the bikes, dirt, and really just about anything else. If my son is anything like my husband, he will have at least a thousand injuries due to his stunts, but that's okay. I'm prepared for trips to the ER. I'm prepared to build a half-pipe in my back yard. I am prepared...even a little excited. But, please please please, no frogs.
I'm also torn as to the whole circumcision thing. I know many people are stuanchly for or against this. I've always had the thought my son should look like his dad. But, now, more than anything, I'm just not 100% sure I want a piece of his body removed when he's not even one day old. Regardless of what anyone says, it just does not feel normal, even though it is a completely "normal" procedure. I've seen circumcisions done & it is scary. We'll see, we have 20 weeks to decide!
Now, my big girl. My big girl who is throwing tantrums. My big girl who no longer has fat cheeks. My big girl who is going to be the best big sister ever. It's so sad, yet so exciting to see her grow into a child. I have conversations with her. She can brush her teeth and wash her face all by herself. She showers alone (well, with me or daddy nearby). She can almost get dressed alone...and undressed. She's such a grown up little girl.
What am I going to do? Enjoy every single second of it!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
17 weeks, 4 days
In just a few weeks, I'll be almost halfway through this pregnancy. Frankly, that freaks me out. I don't know if I'm ready. Okay, I know I'm not ready.
My midwife is retiring in 6 weeks! SIX WEEKS! I have over 20 weeks left.
I need a new midwife. I've had the unfair advantage of knowing all of my providers before they were my providers (nurse perks), but now there are THREE new midwives at our hospital. Three? I don't have the time to interview three. So, after my next appointment, I'm just going to see one of the midwives and hope she's the one. Don't worry, I have questions to ask. But, I'm really hoping she's the one & I don't have to have fragmented care for the rest of my pregnancy. My current midwife says the one I will see first is most like her. Fingers are crossed!
And, I need a doula. Oh do I need a doula. This will be hard. I know many of the doulas. I definitely know my top choices (as in know them personally, know their kid's names, have known them for a more than a year). I am worried. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want them to not want me as a client. What if I'm difficult? How do I even think about starting? I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I'm giving my husband the decision.
Am I ready to VBAC? I sure hope so. But, doubt is creeping it's ugly head into my life. I hate that demon. Hate it. I'm trying to get rid of that fear. I'm just afraid of failure. Afraid I won't VBAC. Afraid I can't. Fear. Doubt. GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I just have to remind myself...every single freaking day...my body was designed to give birth. I CAN DO THIS! If for some reason, I have a c-section, it will not be because I didn't try. Not that I didn't try the first time, there were just things I could have done differently.
Then, the 'if only's' start. And, that's where I try try try not to give myself a guilt trip over the last pregnancy, but try to use it as motivation for this pregnancy.
If only I wasn't pre-eclamptic...so, much much less stress this pregnancy, better diet (of course this is an ongoing battle), more water, more exercise (I really think I've already exercised more this pregnancy than I did the entire 40 weeks of the first).
If only I didn't gain 60 pounds...okay, see above. I'm working on it.
If only my baby wasn't asynclitic...exercise, exercise, exercise. I'm doing lunges & squats out the whazoo, but could be doing more.
So, I face the 'if onlys' and try to get them out of my life. This pregnancy is different. This birth will be different. I am a different person.
My midwife is retiring in 6 weeks! SIX WEEKS! I have over 20 weeks left.
I need a new midwife. I've had the unfair advantage of knowing all of my providers before they were my providers (nurse perks), but now there are THREE new midwives at our hospital. Three? I don't have the time to interview three. So, after my next appointment, I'm just going to see one of the midwives and hope she's the one. Don't worry, I have questions to ask. But, I'm really hoping she's the one & I don't have to have fragmented care for the rest of my pregnancy. My current midwife says the one I will see first is most like her. Fingers are crossed!
And, I need a doula. Oh do I need a doula. This will be hard. I know many of the doulas. I definitely know my top choices (as in know them personally, know their kid's names, have known them for a more than a year). I am worried. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want them to not want me as a client. What if I'm difficult? How do I even think about starting? I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I'm giving my husband the decision.
Am I ready to VBAC? I sure hope so. But, doubt is creeping it's ugly head into my life. I hate that demon. Hate it. I'm trying to get rid of that fear. I'm just afraid of failure. Afraid I won't VBAC. Afraid I can't. Fear. Doubt. GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I just have to remind myself...every single freaking day...my body was designed to give birth. I CAN DO THIS! If for some reason, I have a c-section, it will not be because I didn't try. Not that I didn't try the first time, there were just things I could have done differently.
Then, the 'if only's' start. And, that's where I try try try not to give myself a guilt trip over the last pregnancy, but try to use it as motivation for this pregnancy.
If only I wasn't pre-eclamptic...so, much much less stress this pregnancy, better diet (of course this is an ongoing battle), more water, more exercise (I really think I've already exercised more this pregnancy than I did the entire 40 weeks of the first).
If only I didn't gain 60 pounds...okay, see above. I'm working on it.
If only my baby wasn't asynclitic...exercise, exercise, exercise. I'm doing lunges & squats out the whazoo, but could be doing more.
So, I face the 'if onlys' and try to get them out of my life. This pregnancy is different. This birth will be different. I am a different person.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I Have a Big Girl
Well, my daughter is officially a big girl. She hasn't had milk in over a week....I think. I've heard so many weaning stories and most of them end with the mom not exactly remember the last time she nursed. Mine's exactly the same. We were down to once every couple of days, and now it's been about a week. She still asks for it, but she's not begging for it. Tonight, she just said that she wanted milk and I said there wasn't any, to which she laughed a little bit and rolled over. The past couple of times she's asked that's how it's been.
Even though it wasn't 100% child-led weaning, I'm 100% comfortable with how it went (or how it's going, just in case it's not over!). I think it happened very gently and with so much love. It was very gradual. However, she was really getting to where she only asked every few days, so even without my Encouragement, we were headed there.
I could have nursed forever...had I had milk and it didn't hurt. It was easy. It was lazy. It was the miracle drug. If she was sleepy, it woke her up. If she was cranky, it made her happy. If she was exhausted, it eased her into a peaceful slumber. If she was having a tantrum, it instantly calmed her. Nothing even comes close to the miracle-ness of breastmilk! Not that I'm bashing formula, but try finding a formula that does that!
In other news, the big girl now pretty much goes to sleep on her own! We broke down and let her start watching movies to fall asleep. We started Saturday. I worked Saturday. Greg put a movie in (in our room, we haven't decided to get a TV/DVD player for her room yet). It took a while Saturday night, but she finally gave it up. Sunday, she was in bed by 8pm, alseep by 8:45 (of course, I was at work & didn't get to enjoy this). Last night, Monday, she went to bed about 8:30pm. It took about 2 hours, but I didn't stay in the room with her. Greg & I were trying to watch a movie, but I should've just stayed in there. Tonight, I read her some books then started the movie. We were both asleep in about 30 minutes. Greg came in there about 9:15pm (we went in there about 8pm) and woke me up, but I'm pretty sure we were out around 8:30pm. We're making progress!
And in baby news, I feel like I'm getting huge! I'm now 16 weeks....and 4 days to be exact! I had some yucky upper respiratory infection that I FINALLY got rid of after about 2 weeks. I start prenatal yoga tomorrow, so I'm very excited about that!
Even though it wasn't 100% child-led weaning, I'm 100% comfortable with how it went (or how it's going, just in case it's not over!). I think it happened very gently and with so much love. It was very gradual. However, she was really getting to where she only asked every few days, so even without my Encouragement, we were headed there.
I could have nursed forever...had I had milk and it didn't hurt. It was easy. It was lazy. It was the miracle drug. If she was sleepy, it woke her up. If she was cranky, it made her happy. If she was exhausted, it eased her into a peaceful slumber. If she was having a tantrum, it instantly calmed her. Nothing even comes close to the miracle-ness of breastmilk! Not that I'm bashing formula, but try finding a formula that does that!
In other news, the big girl now pretty much goes to sleep on her own! We broke down and let her start watching movies to fall asleep. We started Saturday. I worked Saturday. Greg put a movie in (in our room, we haven't decided to get a TV/DVD player for her room yet). It took a while Saturday night, but she finally gave it up. Sunday, she was in bed by 8pm, alseep by 8:45 (of course, I was at work & didn't get to enjoy this). Last night, Monday, she went to bed about 8:30pm. It took about 2 hours, but I didn't stay in the room with her. Greg & I were trying to watch a movie, but I should've just stayed in there. Tonight, I read her some books then started the movie. We were both asleep in about 30 minutes. Greg came in there about 9:15pm (we went in there about 8pm) and woke me up, but I'm pretty sure we were out around 8:30pm. We're making progress!
And in baby news, I feel like I'm getting huge! I'm now 16 weeks....and 4 days to be exact! I had some yucky upper respiratory infection that I FINALLY got rid of after about 2 weeks. I start prenatal yoga tomorrow, so I'm very excited about that!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
12 weeks, 6 days
Wow! Time sure has flown by during this pregnancy! I'm feeling SOOOO much better. I've started taking B6. I still feel nauseous sometimes & I have a gag reflex that is super sensitive. I've also started taking chewable prenatal vitamins (not Flinstones). I've always thought it was weird to recommend pregnant women to take children's vitamins.
Crazy as it may sound, I'm pretty sure I've felt this little one move already. It's nothing big, just the little flutters. I know what to feel for this time, so I think that's why I'm more sensitive to it. It's such a fun feeling! Of course, I can't wait to feel BIG movements. I'm so excited for Addison to experience feeling the baby move too. She's so excited and can't wait to be a big sister.....of course, she knows she already is a big sister.
Speaking of Addison, she is having the hardest time sleeping at night. It takes at least an hour to get her to sleep. She is very needy and still wants to nurse at night. It's wearing me out. I'm not sure what to do...so, if someone out there actually reads this & you have an idea, please please please let me know. I thought we'd let Addison wean herself, but I think she's totally addicted. Maybe one day!
I have an appointment tomorrow. I'm so excited to hear the heart beat! We need to start looking for another midwife, since our amazing midwife is retiring three months before my due date! I'm sort of dragging my feet, hoping she'll stay!
Crazy as it may sound, I'm pretty sure I've felt this little one move already. It's nothing big, just the little flutters. I know what to feel for this time, so I think that's why I'm more sensitive to it. It's such a fun feeling! Of course, I can't wait to feel BIG movements. I'm so excited for Addison to experience feeling the baby move too. She's so excited and can't wait to be a big sister.....of course, she knows she already is a big sister.
Speaking of Addison, she is having the hardest time sleeping at night. It takes at least an hour to get her to sleep. She is very needy and still wants to nurse at night. It's wearing me out. I'm not sure what to do...so, if someone out there actually reads this & you have an idea, please please please let me know. I thought we'd let Addison wean herself, but I think she's totally addicted. Maybe one day!
I have an appointment tomorrow. I'm so excited to hear the heart beat! We need to start looking for another midwife, since our amazing midwife is retiring three months before my due date! I'm sort of dragging my feet, hoping she'll stay!
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